deprivation, control

you are bare trees, i cannot fathom what happened in mind in deed that brings things to this point, and i cannot bank on them ever coming back again. awful. i am not, in fact, the abhorrent creature you have built out of your own self-disappointment, or at least, that is not all i am.

it is today, by the way, in half an hour, it is tomorrow, it is the day they have gathered in the city to meet me and dip our toes perhaps, it is the day that seems alright until enough people have reminded me it isn't supposed to be okay and that despite all i have built up and revived and created new, this time it is more me, this time it is more personal, three years not just of your not being here but of nobody being here. yes, i left. a good distraction. not enough, really.

immobilized, sometimes. you people have no idea. you're damn fucking right i'm angry. and i am also kind. which one do you think gets me further? neck and neck.